“If the peace lily stops flowering, just be patient. It will bloom again.”

― Eileen Spinelli, The Dancing Pancake

My peace lily rarely blooms. I’ve placed it in several different locations, and it doesn’t seem to make a difference. Trying to suss out the problem, I’ve watched countless videos, read articles and blogs, and of course, asked around. Most of the time, people tell me one of two things: first, “mine blooms all the time,” and second, “I wonder what you’re doing wrong.” Helpful, so very helpful.

The end of the month marks six years since my Mother died, and coincidentally, the peace lily is in bloom. This rare occurrence seems timely, as this is actually her plant. This peace lily was gifted to her after a family member’s passing. Like myself, my Mother’s green thumb is something she really had to work at, as we have both discarded several green things in our quest to garden. I can still see this plant in her living room and she would tell me how she tried moving it around, changing its watering schedule and researching why it just wouldn’t flower. We laughed at how this was supposed to be an “easy” plant and that it symbolized peace, sympathy, and healing, rather than the actual frustration she felt as its caretaker. The same frustration I feel now.

I’m currently taking inventory…trying to decipher whether I should keep my plant family, gift some of them to others, move on from those that refuse to grow in my care, all the while hilariously pondering if I should chuck the whole idea and buy a few more plants. I think all of this would make her laugh.

What I can tell you is that I cannot get rid of the peace lily simply because it is her peace lily. In her own grief, she managed to care for this plant and nurture it to growth, and celebrate the occasional bloom. I will soldier on and do the same.

The myth that this plant is easy escapes me. There is nothing easy about the grief and healing process. There are only rare blooms—days when memory makes us laugh before it makes us ache, when retelling the story feels more like a celebration than a loss. Life, like the peace lily, is beautiful that way.

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Empty Chairs, Everywhere is a personal grief diary as I process the loss of my Mother to COVID-19.