“To write is human, to receive a letter: Divine!”

– Susan Lendroth

Leaving home at 18 meant writing letters to your loved ones. I mean, it was the 1900s after all! I wish I had understood then what a gift this was. In various boxes and drawers, I have the remnants of these exchanges between me and my Mom. Most of them would likely be categorized as an unremarkable read, yet I am struck by the moment in time that they capture. Several of our exchanges are simply a rundown of life, both the highs and lows, and especially the mundane. We talk about school, work, travel, upcoming events, and what we had for dinner.

This week will mark the fifth year without Mom. While searching for a graduation card, I came across one of her letters to me while I was living in California. Seeing her handwriting and rereading the letter, I was immediately reminded of how much she has missed out on in just this month alone. I am uncertain of how heaven works, but I would hope that it would be so wonderful that she wouldn’t be caught up in the ordinariness of life on Earth. So I thought I would write her a letter:

Hey Mom,

It’s already May—and what a busy month! The kids are so ready for summer. Casey just wrapped up her internship, and Sean’s capstone project is done. I can’t believe it’s time for graduation already! Rock Chalk! I was in Garden City this month for Ethan’s graduation party, too. Amanda asked me to edit a grad video for him…these things always make me cry. She chose such sweet songs for him and that just adds to the emotions. Amanda and Andrew did such a great job of creating a party scene in the backyard. You would have approved, especially since everything we know about backyard parties we learned from you! Dad made ribs, and of course, they were gone by the end of the night!

I created a few quick videos for Sean’s graduation, too, avoiding any sad songs (I can only take so much!) We were happy to have Dad, Cliff and Colbee travel to Lawrence to share in the celebration. Casey got off to the airport that afternoon and she is in Croatia this weekend, then back to Italy. I still can’t wrap my head around all of it! Plans are underway for Paris, too! I told her I wanted a postcard of Pope Leo. Fingers crossed that she remembers.

I am distracting myself with work. I have yet to get on the hammock, but it’s on my list. We will probably grill on Memorial Day.

You are missed tremendously—I could never begin to tell you how much.…

Love, Anna

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Empty Chairs, Everywhere is a personal grief diary as I process the loss of my Mother to COVID-19.